October 16, 2016
Hello, Little Betty. We meet at last. Even though you’re my inner child and have been with me forever, this is our first real conversation. Honestly, I had NO IDEA we could talk. I thought my survival depended on shutting you out. My denial kept you locked up and locked down. But now, I’m ready to bring you home.
Your days of hiding are over, I promise. No more criticizing you for not being good enough, pretty enough or chill enough. Come into my arms, baby girl. We’re both safe now. Really, it’s okay.
From here on out, I can give you the unconditional love you’ve always craved. Of course, you have every reason to doubt. You’re wondering, why now? How can I keep you safe when I’ve been so mean in the past?
Your questions deserve honest answers. So okay, I admit it. I’m kinda lonely.
You already knew this from the weeping over the past five weeks. Ending a long-term, live-in relationship was hard. And moving his stuff out left gaping holes where his furniture used to be. Sorry if I kept you up at night with the wailing and rearranging of my books, shelves and chairs.
But I’m starting to enjoy the spaciousness. You might find the empty rooms quite pleasant, too. In the months ahead, we can redecorate and recover. Which brings me to the whole point of this letter.
If we start over at the very beginning, we can sync with newborn Betty. We can heal, from the very beginning.
Look at these photos. You were so fabulous! Our Mom took these pictures of us when we were a few months old. This was us, exactly this time of the year — in early Autumn.
Your funny faces remind me of who I really am, that I’m a glorious human being. That I know how to be in the moment.
Of course, I gradually lost the openness. Growing up got in the way. Let’s not go there — yet. Girl, we have an entire lifetime to open that door! I’d rather focus on our reunion and my new-found trustworthiness.
Let’s take baby steps on the journey. As always, you’re along for the ride anyway. But instead of squashed inside my dark thoughts, how about we hold each other close, in the light? And what if I let you lead the way? I look at those baby pictures and I think, I’m with her.
The only thing is, I have no idea where we’re going. For sure, we’ll find truth, beauty and probably fun. The whole point is to take things a day at a time. Or, bird by bird, to quote one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott.
Instead of trying to find a specific journey, my hunch is that the journey is choosing us. Definitely, the safety of unconditional love awaits us both.
If you take my hand, wherever the journey goes, we will always be home because we have each other.
Join us for next week’s blog post, when the Inner Child responds, with Little Betty writing back. In the meantime, what about you and your Inner Child? Where are you in your journey? Share a few words — or a lot of words — that describe what you’re both up to.