December 8, 2011

Last night, I couldn’t sleep. That’s pretty unusual because I love a good snooze. But with a ton of changes going on in my life, the brain was churning away and wouldn’t turn off. 

My seismic shifting began last month. First, I ended a 14-month relationship. Now I’m wrapping up my teaching gigs and getting ready to take on a new reporting job that starts in January. Meanwhile, my daughter is starting to look at colleges. Plus, I’m wondering when the lawn guy will get here to rake the leaves blowing around my yard. And what about scheduling the plumber to repair that annoying bathroom leak?

Dealing with to-do lists goes on and on. Like the issue in my kitchen: I really need a new frying pan. The current one is an old stainless steel number. It was part of a shiny set of Farberware that I bought in 1983, when I was a proud, hopeful bride. These pots and pans have outlasted my 18-year marriage and carried me through a decade of divorce.

Then recently, the rotted handle fell off the 12-inch pan. And last night, the knob came off the pan’s lid. So making fishcakes tonight involved awkwardly steadying a handle-less pan while juggling the lid with potholders.

The cats & dog hung out to watch me struggle with the broken pan. My photo here isn’t so great but look closely; the handle’s not attached to the pan. The round thing is the detached lid knob. Ridiculous.

Now I can’t decide if I should write to Farberware customer service and have the pan fixed. I’ll bet if I sent in the busted parts, the company would send me replacements for free.

The problem is, I’m waffling between fixing and trashing the pan. If I chuck it, well, that’s a waste of still-workable stainless steel. If I want to keep it, that means going online, figuring out who to contact, possibly making a phone call, definitely writing a letter, finding a sturdy mailing envelope, packing the broken knob and handle, and taking everything to the post office.

Oh, what to do? This pan has been with me nearly 30 years. It’s been comfortingly familiar in my hands during painful transitions that cost me my dream of a happy nuclear family in a stable home. But to this day, whenever I use any of my Farberware, I have vague flashes of memories from lives lived. Do I need to keep remembering?

I guess the real issue is that sometimes the weight of making decisions feels like too much.

Of course, my capacity for making good choices is outstanding.  :)

Except that right now, I can’t decide what to do about the damn pan.  :(

Not sure where I’m going with this post. But maybe you can relate. Is there just too much going on? Is it the holidays? Is it the pan? Should I fix it or toss it? Or maybe I should forget about everything and simply spend an entire weekend in bed?