Is celibacy the answer?

betty ming liu Inspiration 7 Comments

Note to readers: Last week I wrote a letter to my inner child. This week, she writes back and recommends celibacy. Hmmm.  

Dear Betty,

Thank you for the letter you wrote to me, your inner child. Of course, I want to take your hand and bust out of your Inner Darkness. But for us to truly journey together as one, we need to set a few things straight.

First of all, I’m sorry about the breakup. For the past six weeks, you’ve churned through so many emotions that I’ve been getting seasick. Then finally, relief. The other morning, I watched as you edited your earlier blog post on how to end a relationship.

I cheered as you deleted the sentimental blathering about having a good run and loving well. I like what you added in its place: “I loved the best I could, for as long as I could. Now the journey is about letting go.”

Great! You’re feeling more real. You’re opening up space for The Rest Of Your Life. Which means you’re finally making room for me to breathe. Here’s what I need to make our relationship work…

As your inner child, I must know that whatever happens, you will hold me. I must be able to trust that you always wait with open arms. I must be assured that you will never, ever turn cold. And of course, I commit to treating you the same way.

With this level of unconditional love, we can heal the suffocating neediness. Together, we can live our dream of a Betty who is wild, badass and free. So, I’m ready to come home and play.

My inner child is my best friend. We got this.

Your cozy house. Your supportive friends. Your creative projects. It’s a scene that reflects the many ways you’ve learned to love yourself. I can imagine us in it together, the little girl and the woman, arm-in-arm in new adventures.

With me around, you could also stop working so hard. All you’d have to do is take MY hand and let ME lead instead of forcing solutions. Can you, will you, surrender to your inner child?

If the answer is “yes,” then let’s go celibate, for at least a year.

Ouch, you didn’t see that coming, did you? Haha. No pun intended. :)

Celibacy — really? 

That’s right, woman. Celibacy. It would mean dedicating yourself, to yourself. Be single by choice, for a whole year. This is our chance to reset all those dysfunctional buttons and redraw personal boundaries. Let’s fall even more madly in love with ourselves.

Since forever, I’ve watched your struggle to stand on your own. You’ve come to love and appreciate your parents. But at the same time, you’ve parted with their view that a woman’s independence is selfish. You’ve also faced fears of being alone and learned to enjoy your own company.

You’re ready to make a full commitment to yourself.

What? Did I just hear you mumble something that sounded like “yes”? For sure, I’m feeling the warmth of your smile as you read this. A smile that fills your heart and reaches right up through that overthinking head of yours, to light up your eyes.

I’m so glad you wrote a letter to me, your inner child. It feels really good to write back. I’m taking your hand now. I’m never letting go, okay?

Love you,

~Little Betty.

Would you consider celibacy?

If you’ve ever tried celibacy — by choice, I’d like to know what you got out of your alone time. This could be a very interesting conversation.  :)

Comments 7

  1. Sweet, Betty. We could all learn to better appreciate our inner child. I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time, but I ‘m glad you have a special buddy to help you through.

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      Carrie, thank goodness you commented! For a minute there, I thought me and my little inner girl would be hanging out here by ourselves. :)

      It’s interesting but I’m finding that the whole inner child theme is going over very well in some of my classes. Students are interested in looking at how their past shapes who they are in the present. I guess we just need to keep talking about it more. And more.

  2. Being celibate never hurt anyone. Gives you time to think and your own space in which to do it. Besides, you have to concentrate on your inner child relationship and at this point, there is no room for an “other,” lol. You might even find that you don’t mind remaining celibate for two years!

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      Sandy, one year sounds scary enough. But who knows how I’ll feel in 12 months? On Facebook, one of my friends asked why celibacy was necessary. Here’s what I said:

      In the past, my post-breakup routine would be to regroup, detox, whatever. Sometimes, it lasted almost a year. But I was always open to dating if someone interesting showed up. It’s like, meeting the New Guy was the most important thing so that I could function as a couple again in a couples-focused culture. This time, I’m making me a priority. If some hot guy shows up within the year, then we can be platonic friends. If he’s in a hurry to jump into bed and disappears, well then, bye-bye! I just saved myself a ton of stress. I guess this is an exercise in putting myself first and respecting my boundaries. Does that make sense?

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  3. Pingback: Letter to my inner child: trusting myself - betty ming liu

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