Should I look for love?

betty ming liu Relationships 29 Comments

I always love puttering around my cozy house in stormy weather. With today’s rain and thunder pounding outside, I was totally content to cook, vacuum and do laundry. But as I sit here now at a clean desk with my little dog at my feet while Barbra Streisand wails about love on the boom box, I’m feeling…

Um, is it okay to admit that I’m getting a bit lonely?

Many people tell me that my life is both their fantasy — and nightmare. Sure, my post-divorce freedom as a creative, self-supporting single mom is delicious. As I mentioned in a recent post, going solo is happening to a lot of us, and is even perceived as an upscale trend.

Then again, there’s the other side. Does anyone really want to be alone? To be honest, I actually enjoyed marriage (at least on our good days). There are things I miss sharing: a bed, soul-baring conversation, private jokes, being called “hon.” I especially miss those throwaway moments when I get to say things like, “Babe, I’m going downstairs. Want anything from the kitchen?”

Unfortunately, I also think it’s too late for me to find true love. To be honest, Rosebud takes care of many of my companionship needs. We’re inseparable! There’s a reason people love their dogs. And I live by the words of my first shrink, who taught me the importance of living with romance every day of my life, no matter what. 

And yet — as an incurable romantic, I am wired for hope. Here are some random thoughts on that point….

*My shrink is working with me on “intimacy issues.” The latest revelation is that I define “relationship” as being with a guy in an unfulfilling way spelled f-a-i-l-u-r-e. If this sounds familiar, maybe it’s because I just recently realized that as a journalist, I hated covering hard news because it was my catch-all phrase for stories I didn’t feel I was good at. Well, if I can resolve a longstanding professional struggle, maybe I can rethink my approach to romance too.

*A friend of mine who is a feng shui master says that I should plant red flowers in the two big stone planters that I have sitting in each of the front corners of my deck. He said that these plants would put out a rock-solid romantic energy that might bring some nice guy into my life. Right now those huge pots are brimming with weeds. I don’t know…should I do something about this?

*All my buddies are bugging me to date. Bleh. In the dozen years since my divorce, all I’ve had are relationships that went absolutely nowhere. Maybe I wasn’t ready to ask for what I really wanted. Was that the problem?

*In closing, I just have to say that Barbra Streisand’s “Love is the Answer” CD makes me ache. The songs are beautiful, direct, tender and strong. Just like me. Ha.

Your thoughts? I lot of questions from me today.   :)

 

Comments 29

  1. Betty, I love reading your blog, and I don’t have time to get into why I think you should definitely be open to looking for love ( or for just some lovin’ ), but can I tell you how much I love that you made the picture of Edvard Munch’s famous picture of The Scream an Asian person?! It’s one of my favorite pictures, because I often feel the way it looks, and now that you made it Asian, even more so! <3

  2. Ming Lu, why not keep an open mind and keep it simple! When a romantic attraction presents itself/himself to you you know it . You are a prime and fertile ground for a romantic seed to implant itself into you. Yes, that did sound a bit naughty ha ha ha

    Stay open to any new seed that may bring you new happiness. I love to love you – David

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    Author

    Kim, thank you for being a reader! Seems we’re not the only ones who love “The Scream.” It just sold for $119.9 million at auction. Edvard Munch made multiple versions of this picture using various materials. Practice makes perfect. Maybe I should do more with the Asian version of our favorite painting?

    Yes, David — I do know what a real spark feels like. It just doesn’t happen often. And here’s the other thing. There are plenty of terrific guys out there but the key is to find one who is NOT married or otherwise attached. I’m looking for a spark that’s genuinely available to me. Thanks for the good wishes. :)

  4. I have no answers Betty, just a song that spoke to me when I was looking for love.

    WARREN ZEVON
    “Searching For A Heart”
    (Warren Zevon)

    Darkness in the morning
    Shadows on the land
    Certain individuals
    Aren’t sticking with the plan

    And I’m searching for a heart
    Searching everyone
    They say love conquers all
    You can’t start it like a car
    You can’t stop it with a gun

    Leaving in the evening
    Traveling at night
    Staying inconspicuous
    I’m staying out of sight

    And I’m searching for a heart
    Searching everyone
    They say love conquers all
    You can’t start it like a car
    You can’t stop it with a gun

    They tell me love requires a little standing in line
    And I’ve been waiting for you, lover, for a long, long time
    I’ve been pacing the floor
    I’ve been watching the door
    Meanwhile I’ll keep searching for a heart

    Searching high and low for you
    Trying to track you down
    Certain individuals
    Have finally come around

    And I’m searching for a heart
    Searching everyone
    They say love conquers all
    You can’t start it like a car
    You can’t stop it with a gun

    They tell me love requires a little standing in line
    And I’ve been waiting for you, lover, for a long, long time
    I’ve been pacing the floor I’ve been watching the door
    Meanwhile I’ll keep searching for a heart
    Searching everyone
    They say love conquers all
    You can’t start it like a car

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RVuXq0dyb90

    PS. I got lucky and found my wife six years ago ( married for four years and change.) It only took almost half a century. :D

  5. Post
    Author

    James. What can I say…thanks for the inspiration. I am touched by the words. And the lyrics — the idea of directly addressing this unknown love as “you” makes my skin crawl! But that’s not a bad thing. Also encourage to hear how long it’s taken you to find love. Gives us all hope. The video was fun to watch too. :)

  6. Hey Betty:

    Oh well, definitely! You can love lots of people, but you can’t build a life with just anyone. Liking them — sharing the basic, core things, like Mike describes, is what makes all the rest of it worth it!

    Wishing you luck on your journey. xo

  7. Wow… Betty, just read this posting with comments! Totally agree with different people with their different points of view! Everyone is different in handling his/her romance & relationship! Keep in mind we have to stay Healthy + Happy before the Love finds us! SMILE is the plus and that what I have learned recently during my 2 weeks break. p.s. I did not have a “real” vacation for almost 3 years until recently! “Escape from the reality” does work for me and make me feel better and happier (physically and mentally in health!) ^^

  8. Post
    Author

    Christina, yes — a quality relationship is what counts. That’s worth having. But it’s the only thing worth having; no settling!

    Shirley, glad you got a vacation. And aren’t the comments so worth reading?! They’re better than the post itself.

    Sandy, what a sweet, sweet story. Thank you for taking the time to share it and to inspire me — everyone. Sigh. Beautiful.

  9. Thanks for Sandy’s sharing her romantic story! ^^
    For Betty, don’t give up in finding your love! LOL

  10. Betty…

    I am no expert when it comes to this sort of thing… but I do know that if you find yourself consciously thinking about this subject, it is because you yearn for it… or are only now realizing how much you miss having romance in your life.

    There is no shame in wanting to be wanted. It is a basic human need… a necessity often misaligned by proponents of personal independence and self-reliance. The desire for companionship is a natural one… an ache for genuine compassion and private intimacy only shows that you are still alive inside… still vital.

    Someone out there has been waiting a long time for someone like you, Betty… don’t cheat yourself out of something you really want out of fear of failure or a misguided sense of autonomy.

    Be happy;-)

    G

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      Author

      Aw, Greg, you’re not actually suggesting that I allow myself to be vulnerable, are you?!! Seriously, I know you’re right. But you’re raising a scary thought. What if my call for companionship is never answered? Of course, I’ll accept that. But it’s not my first choice. Still, I love your phrasing that someone out there is waiting for someone like me. But if he is, he’d better hurry up and find me because we’re not getting any younger. :)

  11. Pingback: 3 new ways to find love

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