5 tips for successful dating

betty ming liu Relationships 30 Comments

Well, folks, a miracle has happened. Getting out there to date post-divorce has given me some dating skills. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Dating online is totally acceptable. Hey, it’s hard to meet people. These days, everyone’s searching online for romance — even my gorgeous young college students. Thank God for the Internet. There’s even a very active senior market now. Top10DatingWebsites.com has useful information about various options.

2. Acting like a know-it-all is highly unattractive. Have you ever noticed that insecure people tend to brag about their great credentials? It’s important to relax and just enjoy being in the company of someone potentially interesting.

3. You don’t get to choose what love looks like. I’ve learned a lot about being open-minded. The more I can accept myself and my body, the more I can embrace the idea of being with someone special.

4. Patience and tolerance are essential for relationship building.  I thought I knew how to do this because I was married for 18 years. But the world has changed. And there’s also much that I’ve forgotten. Dating has become a refresher course on relationships.

5. There MUST be chemistry; or else, forget about it. What does chemistry look like? It’s different with each person. At least, that’s what I’ve discovered. Also want to throw in my shrink’s advice. He says that a successful relationship also requires accepting that there are ways in which the other person will NEVER change. So this has to be part of the meet-and-greet chemistry too.

Hope these tips help….good luck!

 

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    oh erika. thank you. you’re awesome readers AND SUBSCRIBERS. that’s why i love. thank you for letting me drop into your email inbox every week. xoxo

  2. Betty, the previous poster is right on the money. You are an eloquent and interesting blogger to read, but out is your warmth and your willingness to open yourself up that keeps people posting comments. I am thrilled that your bf treats your daughter well and that she thinks highly of him. I had a nightmare stepfather, so this is a stomach-wrenching issue in my book. And you are so right about the political affiliation…in the grand scheme of things, you just have to trust him, as he does you. Congrats on your anniversary, and I hope there are many more!

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    and, thankfully, we have made it past another 9/11. good morning, sept. 12! hope you all have a great day. xo

    p.s. — i also want you to know that bf and i had a good weekend together. we know that we’re moving onto a new phase of our relationship of greater trust and acceptance. i can deal better now with the reality that we won’t always disagree. it bothered me before because my parents had such an awful, contentious marriage. being divorced also makes me nervous about things because i know how differing opinions can divide a couple. but this is a new relationship and i feel more open now to looking ahead. thanks for your help in getting me to this better place!

  4. Totally awesome that you’ve hit the one-year mark — congrats! Did I skim over the “he’s a republican” part when we first met him, though?

    I’d really enjoy a sketch of him before and after the makeover.

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    i don’t think i’ve ever mentioned the republican thing before; i was trying not to let it bother me. and we all know what happens when we try to ignore something that bothers us…at some point, it erupts in the most unexpected ways.

    right now, i think i’m actually okay with the idea that we have differences. let’s see if we can get beyond screaming political rhetoric to have thoughtful conversations about issues.

    as for the makeover…haha! okay. let’s see if bf will sit for me one day. i’ll come up with something. :)

  6. Oh, Betty. I am sorry to be late to this party! I have a big one to add to your list: when people “tell” you who they are, you must listen to them. Pay attention to red flags if you see them and pay attention to the small things.

    Hilariously, my husband is 1) Greek, like my Dad (“I am NEVER going to date a guy who is GREEEEEEK!”) 2) an Engineer (my house is so tidy. I would live in squalor if not for him 3) He is a Republican (shocking) and we agree to disagree and have energetic and interesting conversations. Besides I have found that not all Republicans walk in ideological lockstep. So we agree on things that are important.

    Congrats on one year! Good for you!

  7. It’s an axiom that opposites attract.I’m a monarchist and my partner Mike is an unreconstructed East Village anarchist. It’s worked for 16 years now.

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    clearly, i have much to learn from you both. and i am inspired because amantha and toby — i really relate to the things that you both say. so thank you for the encouragement.

    since i already have a failed marriage behind me, thinking about the possibility of a new longterm relationship makes me feel kinda fragile. hope i have what it takes to do it!

  9. Just try not to think of it so much as a failed marriage, but as an in-depth learning experience. And don’t forget- you know yourself much better than you did then, and it sounds like you are freer within yourself now- that’s a big part of making any relationship work, and as long as you give each other room to grow and change and you’re both supportive you should be just fine =°]

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    erika, the marriage is everything you describe. learned so much, grew so much. but i have to admit that after 10 years of divorce, the marriage failed. however, it’s been a very successful divorce. sometimes i wonder what would’ve happened if we were this evolved when we first met.

    and i know the answer….we might’ve become business partners because we were a great team. but we probably would’ve realized that marriage wasn’t a good idea. but here’s the thing. if we never married, we never would’ve had our precious daughter. so marriage was a good idea after all!

    so you’re getting me to the next level of personal resolution. the marriage failed but, getting married was NOT a mistake. there are many ventures in life that fall in that category — risks to take that aren’t solutions.

    thanks, erika!

  11. Betty – I also have an in-depth learning experience in my past and ah, well. Sometimes things don’t work out but it is all about what you do with that learnin’. I’m still learning – but I hide it well.

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    we can’t stop learning! if we do, we might as well drop dead. and you know what? all my relationships were worth something. the question is whether they had what it takes to be lasting. :)

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