I’m not going to blog about dating anymore

betty ming liu Relationships 12 Comments

That’s right — no more blogging about my love life. That’s actually easy to do because …I don’t have a love life! At least, not yet. But if romance is ever going to happen, the relationship will only flourish if I have A Real Private Life.

This feels pretty radical for me. After all, I’ve been happily living out loud on my blog. Floating my stuff into the public domain has been liberating! In fact, I think I’ve unburdened myself to the point where I’m ready to re-explore experiences off the page in a whole new way.

Of course, I’ll still blog my heart out. But I feel like it’s time to set boundaries between my public and private selves. I want to nurture the private me, a woman who can contentedly be with Someone Special without needing to boil our relationship highlights down to a 600-word post that I’ll tweet about in a 120 characters or less.

Oh, there’s nothing wrong with doing that! It’s just that I’ve also got my heart set on being with a man from my generation. A 50-something guy who knows what it was like to be a child in a pre-Internet world. He remembers where he was when Pres. Kennedy was assassinated.

As a kid, he probably had a black-and-white TV. As a teenager, he bought vinyl records (but let’s hope he had the good taste to bypass the man trend in platform shoes!). He is someone who hears a certain specific clicking noise and can instantly identify it as the sound of a manual typewriter. He understands how these moments shaped me because they’re part of him too.

On the other hand, there might be a 50-something dude out there who is totally cool with me blogging about What We Did Last Night. Although, I have to say, I would probably think he was nuts. Why does anyone need to know what I’m feeling about him that very second? Can’t I simply enjoy the tenderness of sharing a moment with this man and seeing what develops? Am I capable of being alone with him, just the two of us?

In other words, I’m interested in an old-fashioned concept spelled I-N-T-I-M-A-C-Y.

If you’re reading this and you blog about your love life, please, this post is NOT a judgement on you. There’s tremendous bravery involved in putting your personal life out there. It’s just that I’ve also realized how much courage it takes to be alone with someone. In real time. With no audience.

And I’d like to go down that path.

Update, Oct. 14, 2013: Hmm, well. Um…so I didn’t stick to this decision. You’ll find that I went back to do a few more dating posts. But I’m going to close the curtain again. I need to figure out what it means to have a private life.   :) 

Comments 12

  1. While blogging about your own personal experiences can be too revealing, I suggest Betty that you stick to blogging about love.

    There are concepts that you’ll probably experience and get to know about while you go on your dating “quest” that can be good to share with anyone. Try focusing just on those concepts and the writing will be just as valuable without delving into your personal life.

  2. Post

    thanks, ivan. but i have no idea how to write without making it personal! i just want to set some boundaries. learn to be quiet. i don’t know that is actually possible for me. but it’s worth a shot. still, if there’s ways to get general info out there, i’ll do my best to deliver. :-)

  3. Betty: your decision to keep your love life private really strikes at the heart of what has become a very public matter. It has to do with the rise of feminism. Women were always the keepers of the private life. The liberation of women meant that women entered public (political/business/etc) life, but the part of our lives that should have remained in the private domain got dragged out with the rest of our selves. But real intimacy remains private. Public intimacy is an oxymoron. So if we want what we’ve lost, we have to separate love out of the rest of our lives and redeem our privacy for it.

    It’s something I’ve wanted to write about for a long time. I’ve never seen the idea anywhere else. You got it first. ingrid

  4. Post

    gee, ingrid, thanks. but there’s plenty of room to discuss this topic further. you also are speaking from a historic/social viewpoint that i know nothing about. sounds like you have tons more to say about this than i do. go for it, girl!

  5. When you have your name and photos on a blog, anyone can google you and see what you’ve written. Not a good idea to blog about your love life.

  6. Post

    haha, ivan — ingrid has lots of great insights. if you click on her name on her comment, it’ll take you to her blog, “it’s the environment, stupid.”

    and jade, you’re so right about the power of googling. that’s why i always tell my students to be careful…WHATEVER YOU PUT OUT ON THE INTERNET IS OUT THERE FOREVER.

    i’m fine about people googling me. it’s the whole reason i blog. i’m also fine with people — even prospective dates — reading what i’ve already posted. it’s just that from here on out, i’m ready to be a little more private. :-)

  7. Betty I will miss your dating tips/ stories – but respect your decision. Since I have started reading your blog, I’ve always loved how you went that extra step adding your own personal dating experiences. The dating world is no joke!! Especially, after ending a long-term relationship. Much luck luck to you and your princesses!!

  8. Totally respect your decision to put those particular boundaries up. I think I would do the same in your situation.

    And I really hope the only guy you meet who ever wore platforms was attending a costume party. ;)

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  10. Your dating blogs are most entertaining. I enjoyed your comments, like from the guy who said: “I go to the Gim”… oh yes, been there and done that.

    I have found that in order to participate in on-line dating, you have to be willing to hear from a lot of frogs and be ready to lower your standards, possibly to the point of feeling hopeless. This prelude serves you well, though when you do finally make a connection. However, instead of the exultation you felt when you were young, there is a dull relief that perhaps intelligent (male) life does exist on this planet.

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