5 tips for successful dating

betty ming liu Relationships 30 Comments

Well, folks, a miracle has happened. Getting out there to date post-divorce has given me some dating skills. Here’s what I’ve learned:

1. Dating online is totally acceptable. Hey, it’s hard to meet people. These days, everyone’s searching online for romance — even my gorgeous young college students. Thank God for the Internet. There’s even a very active senior market now. Top10DatingWebsites.com has useful information about various options.

2. Acting like a know-it-all is highly unattractive. Have you ever noticed that insecure people tend to brag about their great credentials? It’s important to relax and just enjoy being in the company of someone potentially interesting.

3. You don’t get to choose what love looks like. I’ve learned a lot about being open-minded. The more I can accept myself and my body, the more I can embrace the idea of being with someone special.

4. Patience and tolerance are essential for relationship building.  I thought I knew how to do this because I was married for 18 years. But the world has changed. And there’s also much that I’ve forgotten. Dating has become a refresher course on relationships.

5. There MUST be chemistry; or else, forget about it. What does chemistry look like? It’s different with each person. At least, that’s what I’ve discovered. Also want to throw in my shrink’s advice. He says that a successful relationship also requires accepting that there are ways in which the other person will NEVER change. So this has to be part of the meet-and-greet chemistry too.

Hope these tips help….good luck!

 

Comments 30

  1. Glad to near things are going well for you guys =°) My advice is: Always say “I love you” when you part and when you go to Ned, even if you’re angry at each other. You never know when your time will come and it may be the last thing you say to each other. Even if we’ve been arguing, I’ll grab my hubby’s face, give him a big kiss and make him look at me while I tell him I love him when he drops me off at work, I always want him to know I love him no matter what.

  2. HI! Betty, my thoughts are with you, too! Take care and good luck to everything! Congratulations to the anniversary! ^^

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    erika, i totally believe in the not-going-to-bed-mad strategy. learned it mid-way through my marriage and it probably was one reason we lasted nearly 18 years before getting divorced.

    shirley, thanks for the thoughts. you too, lori. having a real relationship is harder than i imagined. there’s always the initial thrill and then…what? the longterm. hmmm.

  4. “And he asked me to pick out some new clothes for him, along with new eyeglasses.” — i guess you didn’t like his clothes or glasses. this must be some nice guy!

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      mj, this is a really sweet man who just wants to make me happy. don’t think a little fashion makeover can hurt, esp since i have decent taste. but i am sure that i am not making a good impression in some circles. one of my friends who is a chinese immigrant laughed when she heard about the shopping expedition. “so now you’re turning into a real chinese woman,” she said. “little by little, you’re taking control of his life.” ooops, is that what i’m doing? and if that’s what i’m doing, what is HE doing?

  5. My great aunt Agatha met her husband on-line. That was back in the era of partyline telephones and Mr. Phillpott was party #3 on Agatha’s line. There was a distinctive ring for each party so Agatha knew when Mr. P. was on-line. This being before the time of TV and internet, listening in on other people’s phone calls was a primary form of rural entertainment. Mr. P called Information several times a day, attempting to read Sonnets From The Portuguese to the operator, for whom he had conceived a passion. Sadly, he was never able to solicit more of a response than “what party did you wish to reach?” Agatha, a spinster of mature years determined not to go to her grave in a maidenly condition, could not restrain herself. Finally she burst in on one of his recitations crying “Oh Mr. Phillpott, how I long to hear a sonnet read to me and only to me! Face it – the information operator will never love you as I can,” which I think was an accurate assessment. Mr. P., who turned out to be a gentleman of substantial girth, no hair, six chins, dubious hygenic habits, a wardrobe consisting of one suit evidently previously owned by significantly smaller individual and then having served as a home to a family of cats and laboring under an obsession with the more verbose forms of 19th Century poetry, none the less had one important redeeming feature upon which true love could be predicated – a large bank account stemming from an inherited interest in a company that manufactured hernia trusses.It was love at first bank statement. Thereafter, Agatha developed a rather questionable habit of encouraging every man she met to lift heavy objects. Some us suspected ulterior motives but one does try to avoid such nasty suspicions.
    As for chemistry in the relationship – there was quite a bit. Mr. P. had an experimental laboratory in the basement and devoted himself to a quest for a new form of shape-retaining truss fabric. For many years this quest produced only foul aromas permeating the neighborhood. Finally the end came in the form of a shout from the basement of “eureka, I’ve found it!” followed by a massive explosion. Agatha was fortunately attending a meeting of the St. Eusibias Episcopal Church Ladies Aid Society at that moment and rushed home to find the house leveled, Mr. P gone to join his ancestors and herself in sole possession of the bank account etc. She assuaged her grief by retiring to a villa on the Cote d’Azur staffed by attractive young men. So there you are: proof that on-line relationships can be productive.

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    you’re an original, toby! what are you going to do with all these stories from your family’s olden days? i especially like this one’s over-the-top wackiness. :)

  7. Congrats, Betty! A year is great, totally monumental. Wow! Glad to hear the great news!

    And don’t worry about the Republican thing. A lot of Repubs who eventually make the conversion!

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    thanks for the encouragement, bigwowo. i wish i share your optimism about bf changing his political affliation. but i dunno that it will ever happen. oddly enough, the last few guys i dated were republicans too and after a while, i just couldn’t stand their political views.

    i know plenty of couples where one partner is republican and the other is a democrat. i don’t know if i could deal with that longterm. but i’ll hold your advice close because i like the sound of it. :)

  9. Republican, reschmublican.
    I’ve been a registered republican for 30 years and half the time I don’t even remember (or care!) who belongs to which party. I vote for the ones I think have a vision and a brain, and if he or she is not Repub, well, sorry about his/her luck. I even eitel for local govt, but my husband had said that I am the most apolitical people he had ever met! Good luck….life is too short to throw away someone based on politico crap. Now let’s talk about his treatment of your daughter…..THERE is a real issue!

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    luann, the bf and i actually had a long talk last night on this very subject. it took us nearly an hour of yelling on the phone before we got to conflict resolution. in other words, we expended all that energy to reach the points you make in your succinct comment!

    after we hung up. i puttered around the house, thinking. then right after midnight, when it became 9/11, i suddenly felt differently about the republican vs. democrat issue. for me, 9/11 brings up emotions that i can’t put in words.

    anyways, in that early morning moment, i made an internal shift. not by choice; it just sort of happened. it hit me that political rhetoric is so divisive and, that my bf is a good man. btw, like you, he votes across party lines.

    but even if he didn’t, i need to trust him to make good decisions. after all, he trusts me. so i should trust him….right?

    now i will answer your important question. bf treats my daughter very well. he shows her the same thoughtfulness, respect and generosity that he gives to me. she thinks he’s terrific. the dog likes him too. so do the three cats. we all enjoy having him hang out with us.

    well, once again, your input has helped me to grow beyond my comfort zone. i really appreciate that everyone makes time to chat with me in the comments. the discussions with you are what make this blog such a great place.

    so, let’s keep on moving forward. peace to everyone today. stay safe. and remember….

    it’s 9/11. make time to show some love.

    peace to you all. xoxo

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    sigh. yes, rose.

    btw, i have a friend who is a big city new york newspaper editor. she subscribes to my blog. the other day, she told me that the it’s the comments that make the posts memorable. what you add makes each post a complete work of perfection.

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