Right now, the economy is so bad that it’s tempting to give in to fear. I could easily sit home worrying about finding work and protecting my investments. But there’s really only one option: I have to celebrate my life.
My whole outlook has changed because of a month-long online class called “Blast Off.” I took it in June with art consultant Alyson Stanfield. Her specialty is helping creative types to successfully pursue their passions.
She was just what I needed because as a writer and painter, I sometimes feel like a double fail. I mean, really — could I have picked two more unstable fields? But at the end of the course, I was surprised to find myself transformed.
The class covered budget planning, getting organized and ways to keep growing artistically. The material also challenged me to step up my game as an entrepreneur. So to stay on track, I now do three things every morning:
1. Be in a state of abundance.
“Remember that when you are in a state of appreciation and gratitude, you are in a state of abundance.”
Is this quote a wow or what??! It’s from “The Success Principles,” a 2005 bestseller
P.S. – I just noticed that there’s also “The Success Principles for Teens: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be.” I’m going to order it
By the way, if Canfield’s name sounds familiar, it’s because this guy is a major player in the inspiration publishing world. He’s co-creator of the phenomenally popular “Chicken Soup for the Soul” book series.
2. Write down 5 things that I’m grateful for.
Every morning, I think of five “gratitudes.” At first, the process felt forced. But now I look forward to starting the day with a quiet, grateful reflection.
Today, my gratitudes are:
- My new shoes look so good on me.
- The new family dog keeps me company when I’m driving around on errands.
- Counting calories on LoseIt.com is actually fun.
- Thank God that the dishwasher works.
- I got such a good night’s sleep.
3. Say out loud the 8 affirmations about my life.
In addition to gratitudes, I have affirmations. Unlike the gratitudes, these don’t change every day. Instead, they are eight key things that I want to continually acknowledge about my life. It took a while to figure out what really matters. I wrote and re-wrote many times.
I keep my affirmations on some old, unused postcards that my parents had saved. With both of my folks dead, this is a nice way to keep them close on this new journey.
Reading the postcards out loud to myself every morning has been a trip. Some of my initial affirmations sounded cheese-y and defensive. The one that really kicked my butt had to do with defining myself professionally. Here’s what I went through:
I am always true to myself.
I am an artist who makes beautiful paintings.
I am an artist with an irresistible vision, unique vision.
I am a hot new artist.
Bleh, bleh, bleh!
I recently hit on something that sounds okay — for now: I am a beloved writer, painter and teacher.
Here’s the postcard, both the front and back views:
In these next two affirmations, rewriting gave me the confidence to be more engaged:
There was only one affirmation that I wrote with no hesitation. At 54, it’s annoying to be in an obnoxiously youth-fixated society. Women my age are treated like invisible, neutered old ladies. I refuse to be taken for granted. That’s why I say this:
Eventually, I soul-searched my way to a full list of eight affirmations:
- I am a beloved writer, painter and teacher.
- I am making a difference in the world.
- I enjoy the moment.
- I am a MILF.
- I always make time to love someone who needs it.
- I am a money maker.
- I am mixed-handed.
- I am a fulfilled romantic.
Okay, so tell me honestly….how ridiculous do I sound? Well, I don’t care. The affirmations are already helping me. Just the other day, I was negotiating a business contract. During a tense moment, I started to feel overwhelmed. To keep myself from caving, I suddenly thought to myself, “I am a money maker!” and took charge.
My love life has benefited too. After a great start 10 months ago, the bf and I had a difficult winter and nearly-disastrous spring. Then over the last month, my affirmation went from “I am a romantic” to “I am a fulfilled romantic.” Seeing myself as already fulfilled in my own life made me appreciate what we had. The magic is back! Sweet.
I’m even resolved about being being a lefty who was forced into right-handedness. Now I see myself as “mixed-handed.” It’s a description that eliminates the sense of deficit while being totally accurate. Yessss!
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If you want me to show you the money, that might take a while. At the moment, I am not quantifiably richer financially or creatively. But at least I wake up feeling great. And that’s an excellent place to start.
Soooo, if you feel like playing, feel free to brainstorm and think out loud in the space below. Is there anything you’re grateful for as you read this? Any truths about your life that are worth celebrating? The act of getting them out of your head and seeing them on this post could be quite magical.xoxoxoxo
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Believing in one’s self and the possibility of one’s aspirations is so important – still, I don’t know that it was quite sufficient in the case of my great aunt Adalade.
An imposing dowager of better than 50 winters, with a shape similar to a very large pouter pigeon and a predilection for lorgnettes and opera length pearls, Adalade was not what one would envisage as the typical free spirit. Yet, in the dim recesses of her heart, she harbored latent radicalism. The first tender shoots to breach the surface took the form of a sudden decision to pursue modern dance( a common symptom, we might note). Adalade had not even waltzed in 20 years but was undeterred by an utter lack of capability. It wasn’t long before not a garden party was complete without Adalade appearing in black tights (the slimming effect of black being quite overmastered by physical reality in this case) trailing long chiffon scarves like Isadora Duncan and executing a series of leaps and bounds, which if not precisely gazelle-like, had at least a certain…ummm…solidity to them – an effect much like a truckload of large rocks being dumped. While these exhibitions did little to enhance Adalade’s reputation as a desirable guest, they did attract the notice of a much younger gentleman of dubious credentials and no money. He convinced her of the youthfulness of her spirit even more quickly than he convinced himself of the adequacy of her portfolio. They eloped to a commune in Nebraska or some-such outrè location where there was an iron-clad community property law. Of course he decamped with as much of the portfolio as he could lay claim to. Adalade didn’t care. Now she lives on granola and performs her interpretive leaps among the tepees, battered trailers and huts of the Rising Star Commune. To the best of my knowledge, she is happy. Still its a cautionary tale.
Betty — I love you and your blog!!
toby, i tried the younger man thing too. and it was fun — just once. that was enough. but who’s to say that your great aunt feels bad about the boy stealing her money? she’s dancing her heart out while living in a trailer park. sounds like she still has enough resources for food, shelter and personal health. i wish she still had her $ but, oh well.
there’s a really interesting story on this topic in the july 2 edition of the new york times. it’s about acting legend celeste holm, 94, and her husband, 48. her sons — aged 64 and 74 — are in a legal battle with the couple for her inheritance. the feuding has wiped out most of her multi-million dollar fortune. reporter john leland does a really spectacular job of presenting both sides of the story without harsh judgement. i admire that. http://www.nytimes.com/2011/07/03/nyregion/love-and-inheritance-celeste-holms-family-feud.html?pagewanted=all
susan, i adore you too. and your blog is my favorite eye candy. since i’m on a low-carb, no-sugar, no-milk, gluten-free regimen, your website is the closest i can get to delicious treats.
check out her blog: http://www.acakebakesinbrooklyn.com/<3
and here's my eating regimen: http://bettymingliu.com/2011/05/a-cheap-simple-holistic-way-to-get-rid-of-spring-allergies/
Betty, you’re inspiring me. xoxo
“Chicken Soup for The Kids Soul” was actually one of my favorite books growing up! This is an awesome post.. especially for all of us jobless journalism grads ;) !!
Thank you thank you thank you. This little jewel dropped into my inbox on precisely the right day at precisely the right time. I am struggling to hold on to myself while navigating this “grown-up” life full of responsibilities (a day job, a small business venture, and my own artistic needs/cravings) and commitments (partner, breadwinner, daughter) and figuring out how to live the life I want and deserve. I am inspired especially by the graciousness and self-fulfilling prophecies you put into the world daily. Thank you for remaining a teacher who inspires and motivates. =)
laura, i had no idea that there was chicken soup for kids! and thanks for the feedback. and jessica, your thoughts help me too. :)
Good stuff, Betty! Love it! And what an interesting thread from you and Toby. For I indeed offered up the “younger man thing” and tried to woo you, the self-described MILF. (On top of that, I’m originally from Nebraska.)
oh my goodness, doug. i can’t believe you’re here!! reading your comment made me smile. aren’t you glad i said “no” to you? you went on to find someone lovely, closer to your age — and artistically asian to boot. the reason i knew our decade-wide age gap wouldn’t work was because i actually tried the younger guy thing for a few months before meeting you. while i have no regrets, after it ended, i knew that i’d NEVER do it again. but you are definitely a catch. ;-)
Actually, there’s more than a decade between us. And yes, I’m deliriously happy and wouldn’t change a thing – but you don’t forget someone who was so easy to talk to. We ought to do that again sometime. :)
haha! i think it was something like a 13-year age gap. and of course you’re deliriously happy; you worked hard for this! but it would be fun to catch up — and compare notes on the benefits of dating within our respective age brackets. heehee. :-)
Betty, I love your affirmations! What a challenge to come up with honest statements that confirm and inspire. I will give this a try.
I had just replied to my daughter’s friend who now has a website for her art. She is Mexican and explores her cultural roots via her art – and describes it all so well! (Her website is http://www.auroradiaz.net if you want to have a look). So I told Aurora, I like old pretty things. Hmmm, guess that’s how I connect to my art. ;-)
btw – I love the paintings you have posted here. GREAT clear color with fascinating shadows and wonderful highlights. Not to mention excellent titles!
thanks, dorothy! and i think you’d definitely love alyson’s classes. she’s also headed to the new york area this fall. there’s an october live class that i want to take. maybe you’ll join me! i went to your friend’s website link. love the colors and strength in her work!
About the issue of ten year age gaps – it all depends on how old the people involved are. The difference between a 20 year old and a 30 year old is vast but between a 50 year old and a 60 year old, it’s non-existent. My wonderful husband of 16 stress-free years is 10 years younger than me and in all this time there has never been a cross word – thanks to his seemingly infinite capacity to put up with my eccentricities., or perhaps not to notice them.
how wonderful for you, toby! the gap between a 30- and 40-something can also be significant — especially if at least one of the parties is female. think of all those biological clock issues (shudder, shudder). very glad to have all that behind me.
As always, an inspirational piece. I really how you always think about something life affirming and positive on a daily basis. I try my best to do that too ( but I admit, not every day). This entry was really facetious ( I lol’d). I was also wondering if you read my blog too at times?
I hope to blog more like you one day. Your entries are more candid and personal than my own. I tend to stick to a semi-impersonal tone.
When you really believe in your heart that what your doing is going to get you somewhere, anything can go. :)
I have tremendous respect for you on following your dreams and doing what you want, after dealing with a rather difficult childhood. Your optimism is infectious :)
What an awesome post. Juggling creative fulfillment and practical realities is a biggie for me, too. Your life path is inspiring!
thanks! what’s interesting to me is that so many of you want to juggle arts and a straight job too. i really think that’s a new reality. people want to do more than one thing in their lives. career paths are not always linear and obvious. i think that that’s a good thing!
On the topic of dating out of one’s age group – you know, in this world you can find an example of anything that works. The important thing is that the two people truly want to be together – and that neither person fetishizes the other’s age (having a thing for older women, for example). That’s a house build on sand.
Also, certain times of life come with very specific needs and behaviors (e.g. 20s -endless partying, late 30s – jonesing for kids, 60s – impending retirement) and if you’re not with someone who can deeply relate, these times will be very difficult. I’m painting with a broad brush here, but you get the idea.
well said, doug!
This is so wonderful, Betty. I definitely need to make a list each morning of that for which I am grateful. I would go well with Ramadan, that I observe and that is fast approaching. Ramadan begins August 1st, 2011.
The affirmations would also challenge me as well. It’s hard for me to see the good that I’ve done. Yes, this is coming from a psychotherapist. We too are on our path to healing.
And how interesting that you too on the move to lose weight. And we’re both using LoseIt.
My internist has given me a meditation/relaxation CD to help with my nighttime eating.
But his wife said something to me when I was leaving my visit this morning.
“You look great. And especially after having 3 children.”
I want to lose the stomach that filled with fat during the last 12 years since I delivered our last child.
I know I don’t look that bad. Many young women much younger and never pregnant are so much larger and heavier.
I think I am missing the passing of my youth. I’m post menopausal. And while I don’t miss the monthly messenger, I do miss being young.
And yet my teens and twenties were filled with such soul-aching anxiety.
We can’t have it all–and that’s the truth–we certainly can’t have everything all at once. Nor do we need it.
It’s just that the media portrays celebrities and people has having it all right now.
To stop even listening to the lies.
I wish I could go and live in another country for a while.
I’m always so much more creative when I travel to Europe.
Much of my reading audience is European, South Asian and Asian.
Could I have been born in the wrong place?
Aaahhh. I must show more gratitude.
And despite all I have very much for which to be grateful.
Thanks so much for such a heartwarming and honest post.
It definitely moved me.
Peace and blessings.
anjuelle, in chinese herbal medicine, it is believed that the post-menopausal woman has the potential to be in the best time of her life! friend me on loseit.com. let’s make these years the best.
Regarding “missing the passing of youth,” it seems to me the way of happiness and contentment is to recognize and embrace the advantages that each stage of life offers. As long as one has one’s health and a certain amount of security, one finds that as age closes some doors, it opens others – often doors one never even suspected were there. If we spend our time looking regretfully at the doors that have closed, we don’t notice the newly opened ones. Among the opportunities that increase with age are those of being of help to people we care about. As an example, when I was 20 and a queen of the gay dance floor with distinguished older men offering to buy me drinks, I had a wonderful time and I am comforted by the memories. Now in my senior years however, came the privilege of editing an adopted son’s 63 papers as he worked his way through his MA at U.of Penn – and then, almost overcome with the emotions of pride and happiness, being with him as he put on his cap and gown to graduate. I couldn’t have done that when I was in my 20s. I had neither the skills nor the perception to understand how deeply rewarding this involvement would be – what an inexpressible happiness would derive from it. I would not trade this happiness and others like it that have been made available to me for a return of youth, glittering but shallow though that prospect might be, were it possible. It seems very simple to me – cherish the old, embrace the new and always be alert for the unexpected doors to open.
toby, i would never EVER want to be 20-something or 30-something again. i’m with you — as long as i have my health, i’m happy to be an “older woman.” it’s great to be there for our children. and i’ll bet there are still moments when you’re the queen of the dance floor. :-)
The affirmation and gratitude rituals really work. I came to the realization a while ago that I have everything I need in life to make me happy but simply lack the conscious awareness to appreciate it. I write down the 5-gratitude list most every night..and that has kept me going through this very difficult year. (I heard about it from a lady a met at a bed & breakfast 3 years ago). This was what I wrote in my gratitude journal last night: 1-comfortable weather for sleeping; 2-Jeff’s eyes are getting better, 3-squash is growing in my garden; 4-blood pressure continues to be normal; 5-saw very moving Picasso exhibit at the deYoung Museum.
I love your affirmation list. You ARE a beloved writer/painter, teacher, AND FRIEND
judy! i’ve known you for 40 years and had no idea that you’ve been doing the gratitudes. just goes to show that you never really ever know anyone that well. or put it another way…just goes to show that there are always new ways to connect. xoxox.
i just changed one of my affirmations. it’s the one that reads: “i am a beloved writer, painter and teacher.” done with that!
my new affirmation: “my art and writing are magnetic.” :)
I am definitely the same way when it comes to pursuing a career in journalism. I always joke about how “I’m going to be broke when I graduate from college and I’ve made my peace with it.” But honestly, with two years left to go, I still feel like there’s a time where I need to step back and think practically. Unfortunately, it’s hard to find the balance between realism and ambition especially when I’ve always had so many far-reaching and, what some might dub, “unrealistic” goals.
It’s so refreshing to see something positive written about the “reality” of having a career in an unstable field. I can’t agree more; it’s all about your attitude and just like anything else, it’s what you make of it.
P.S. I just wanted to commend you for putting up pictures of your affirmations. It definitely (pardon my French) takes some balls to do that. It was unapologetic and I admire that. I can barely get through telling people how to pronounce my last name, I always follow it with a laugh and some sort of explanation of how it has three too many vowels and a silent “n” at the end.
Loved the post, all in all!
i am grateful that you are in my life, setting such a luminous example of what it truly means to live from your heart, & to unabashedly share your journey deeper into the center of your true essence so that we can all be inspired by your courage, by your grace & vulnerability. … i would be even more grateful if i knew what MILF meant tho!!! keep truckin’, betty! xoxo
oh, thank you jaime. and go to this link for the definition of “milf:” http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/milf :)
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